Fifty Shades of Redemption
by adamarie19
Summary: Ana loses the baby after Jack's kicks when trying to save Mia.
1. Chapter 1

**Fifty Shades of Redemption **

_A/N: Well I'm just saying I shouldn't be having new Fanfiction ideas when I'm horrible with updating. But I'm finishing up final edits for my book then I think I'm going to be updating once a week. _

_I hope you enjoy this new story. Reviews are very welcome. I love you guys. Thanks for reading. _

The pounding in her head intensified as Ana opened her eyes to face the light that was shining through the room. Looking around, she couldn't remember how she'd gotten here, or what had happened after she'd fallen, all she could remember was the throbbing of her head, and the pain she felt in her stomach with each painfully dreadful kick that Jack applied to her.

The last thing she remembered before the blackness captured her was Christian showing up to save her. In spite of their ongoing fight over the week, she knew he'd always be her savior. And for that she'd always love him.

"Mrs. Grey?"

Turning her head, she was faced with a skinny, blonde nurse who was writing something down on a piece of paper. She looked genuinely concerned as she gave Ana a sympathy smile.

"Where is he? Where's Christian?"

The nurse pointed to the other side of her, at the end of the bed. She felt tears appear in her eyes as she turned her head right to where Christian sat in a chair next to her bed, his head gently laid on her bed. He was snoring softly, he looked as if he hadn't slept in days. She wanted so badly to wake him, to hear his voice tell her that everything would be okay. That Mia was okay, after all everything she'd done was to save Christian's sister, but he just looked so tired that she couldn't bear to wake him, instead she gently placed a hand on his head and ran it through his hair.

"Ana." He whispered softly in disbelief once their eyes met. He looked remorseful, scared, and in need of someone to hold and comfort him. It broke Ana's heart to see him that way.

"Hi."

"I'm going to go let your doctor know that you're awake." The nurse stated with a smile. "Is there anything I can get you in the meantime?"

"I'm thirsty."

"I'll get you some water."

"You scared the hell out of me, Ana. I thought… I thought.." He couldn't even get the rest of the sentence out before he was sobbing in her arms.

"I'm okay, Christian."

"What were you thinking? I… Why didn't you come to me?"

"They said they'd kill her. God, Christian please tell me she's alright, please tell me that everything that I've done was worth it."

"She's fine. A little shaken up, but Ana because of you my sister is alive and I don't even know how to thank you. I've been so horrible to you these past few days, and I'm sorry. I hate myself for being so cold, and distant, and then I came so close to losing you and it scared me. I saw you laying on the ground, and my mind reverted to the worst possible thing. And I panicked. I thought I'd never get the chance to make it up. I'm sorry, I'm so beyond sorry that I've hurt you. I didn't want that. You're my wife, and I never want to hurt you, I was so angry, I never meant to hurt you. I love you so much."

"I love you Christian. I learned a long time ago that you only ever want to protect and keep me happy. I'm not mad at you anymore, I was hurt. I love you more than anything though, and I'm never going anywhere, it's you and me. And our baby."

Christian felt his heart sink deeper with the last sentence. When she was first rushed into the emergency room, the doctors had told him the baby hadn't made it, but he had no idea how he was supposed to tell that to his wife.

From the start, he knew Ana loved the baby more than anything. He could read it all over her face. She was too kind, loving, and generous to not love the tiny life that was growing inside her. It's one of things that made him love her so completely. She always gave way more than she ever asked for.

"Christian?"

She looked up at his fearful eyes, and knew something wasn't right. Maybe he was still afraid of becoming a father, she wasn't sure. She did know though, that whatever his next words would be, she wouldn't like them.

"You still don't want our baby, do you?"

"Sweetheart, it's not that. I have to tell you something."

Fear struck her mind as she watched Christian speak. Another tear rolled down his cheek, his grip on her hand grew tighter and she knew whatever it was, it would crush her.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry for everything. I am so sorry that I've caused all of this. I just…"

"What's wrong?"

"It's the baby. You miscarried. The kicks Jack applied were just too severe and the baby, I'm sorry. I know how much you loved it. I know that."

"No.. Christian stop. Why would you say something like that? Are you trying to hurt me?"

"Baby, no. I'm not. I wouldn't lie to you about this. I'm really sorry, Ana. I wish that I could tell you our baby was okay, I wish I could give you the family we were about to have, but our baby doesn't exist anymore."

Her heart sank deeper in her chest as the sobs came rushing out. The baby was gone, she'd killed her baby by her own stupidity. Why hadn't she just chosen to tell Christian everything? He had experienced men right? They could have saved Mia.

No. She couldn't bring herself to regret the decision that she made. She wouldn't regret saving Mia's life, even if it cost her the life of her unborn child.

"Ana, please talk to me."

"It hurts. I know we didn't plan this, but I loved our baby."

"I know. I know, and I wish I could take your pain away, I wish that there was somehow someway that I could bring him back to you. To us. I'm sorry, Ana. I'm so sorry."

"Are you? I mean, let's be honest here, Christian, you didn't want our baby. You didn't want to be a father."

Well that hurt. Christian knew deep down, she was only trying to deal with her own grief, but that was his baby too, and despite the horrible way he'd acted, he was starting to see his life with Ana and a baby. He wouldn't have wished this on Ana. He didn't want the baby to just disappear, he just hadn't known how to handle being a father.

"I was a bastard, I won't deny that. You deserved better than how I've treated you, Anastasia, but don't accuse me of wanting it to end like this. I didn't want our baby to just disappear. I'll admit, I made mistakes, I hurt you. This is all on me, but I was starting to see us as a family, Ana. It was never about me not wanting a baby, it was about me not being good enough for a baby, not being a good father. You know past, how could I possibly be a good parent? This was about me, not you or the baby. I didn't want this to happen, I would give anything to prevent this."

"I'm sorry. I just, I'm sorry."

"Do you still love me?"

She gave him a small nod. It was just impossible to stop loving a man like Christian Grey. "More than anything."

"We'll get through this, okay? I promise. I'm going to do whatever it takes to make everything okay, to make you happy."

"Where's Jack?" Ana questioned him with curiosity.

"In the hospital here somewhere. After I saw you laying on the ground, I was angry, given he already had the bullet you put in him, I beat the shit out of him. If it wasn't for Taylor, he'd probably be dead. I thought he killed you, and I snapped."

"I'm sorry for everything, for not telling you, for thinking I could handle this on my own. I'm so sorry." She cried

"Shh. It's over now. I love you, you love me. Forget Jack. He's going to end up in the cage he belongs in. Don't worry okay? No one is ever going to hurt you again. I promise you that."

Ana closed her eyes and laid her head on Christian's chest after he climbed in beside her. She knew it was going to be a while before everything would be okay. Her baby was gone, and she didn't understand why this happened. It hurt, she knew that much. In spite of that though, she had Christian by her side, and though he'd not been thrilled about the baby, she believed him when he said he never wanted this. As long as she had him by her side, she knew she'd be just fine.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: For those of you who have me on facebook, I'm so sorry I didn't update yesterday like I had promised. I'm really sick with a stomach virus. So I mostly slept for the past two days. Anyway, thank you for all your support and love for only having one chapter. You guys rock. Enjoy_

"How is she doing?" Grace questioned Christian, greeting him outside of Ana's hospital room the next morning. She'd been in and out over the last few days since Ana was rushed in. She lready loved Ana, she'd been grateful to her since the moment she met her. She was the first woman who ever captured Christian's heart, the reason for his happiness.

Sighing, Christian plopped down into a chair outside next to him. He couldn't hide the pain he wore on his face, he couldn't hide how much he was hurting. The sight of watching his wife cry herself to sleep over the loss of the baby she never got a chance to have, and worse than that thinking that Christian wanted the baby to disappear, it tore him apart inside.

"I don't know. She just cried herself to sleep. I don't know how to help her right now, and honestly, I don't think she wants me to be the one that sits by her bedside."

"Darling, you're her husband, surely she wants you. I know the miscarriage is going to be hard for not only her to get through, but for you as well, but Ana loves you."

"I was so angry at her. I was childish, and I hurt her with not only my words but my actions."

"What do you mean?"

"The night Ana told me that she was pregnant, I accused her of doing it on purpose. We had our biggest fight yet. I said some awful things, and our fight never got resolved through this whole thing, we never made up. I never got to tell her that I didn't regret our baby, I never got to tell her that it was me who was the problem, not the baby."

Seeing the pain on Christian's face, Grace felt her heart break for her son as she slumped into the chair beside him and took his hand. She couldn't stand to see her children in pain, and when it came to Christian and everything he'd been through the only thing she ever wanted for him was happiness. Ana brought that to him, but it killed her to see them going through such a rough past.

"Christian it wasn't your fault that this happened. I've looked over Ana's charts and the truth is the blows to her stomach were just too severe for the baby to survive in such an early pregnancy. The loss of this baby isn't on you. We all say things that we don't mean, but that's the beauty of love, sweetheart. Where there's love there's forgiveness and Ana loves you so much, she'll need time, but in time she'll forgive the things you've said to her and everything will start to look up."

"I can't see how she'd ever forgive me after the horrible way I treated her, mom. We weren't even speaking, and she risked her life to save Mia. She did that for me, for our family."

"Ana is a remarkable young woman, Christian, hold on to that. She loves you more than anything." Grace told him in a truth, placing a hand on his to comfort him. Despite any harsh words that Christian may have spoken the only person to blame in all this where the loss of their baby was concerned was Jack Hyde. He'd been the bastard that attempted to rape Ana and ended up being fired, he was the bastard who kidnapped Mia, and attempted to physically harm a pregnant woman, and he'd been the bastard who'd underestimated her at the same time.

"What if she leaves me?" Christian asked his mother with the fear that ached inside him from the moment he'd been informed the baby was gone. He wouldn't blame Ana for running now, not after the horrible way he'd treated her, not for the unforgiveable words that he'd spoken, not for the way he'd done his best to avoid her, if she left now, it would only be the very thing that he deserved.

"Oh, Christian, I wish you wouldn't think of the worst possible scenario. Ana loves you, despite all that's happened, you don't just stop loving someone. She'll forgive you, you only have to give her time, space and a little bit of patience."

"I just want this nightmare to be over. I want Hyde to be fucking locked in cage where he belongs, and I want to give Ana make the baby that I had a part in her losing."

"This isn't your fault, you have to stop blaming yourself, she loves you and she's going to need you right now, Christian. You're going to need each other. Come on now, stop this."

"If I would have treated her better, mom then maybe she would have come to me with this. I could have stopped Jack. I don't know. I just don't know what to do. I feel so helpless."

"Go be with Ana. That's all you need to worry about, you can't go back and forth on what ifs. You better than anyone know that you change the past, no one gets a redo on something they want so badly to change, but you can find redemption. Christian, anything worth having is worth fighting for and Ana is very worth it. I see the way you look at her, and how she looks at you, despite everything that's happened, she won't walk away, believe in that. Okay?"

Christian nodded, tears filling his eyes. He wasn't a man of tears, but arriving to find his wife still on the ground after Jack had kicked her, pained him in the worst possible way. There was a time that Christian thought he'd never be able to feel for another human in the romantic sense. He didn't think he was capable to have the capacity of love in his heart that he held for Ana. Ana falling into his office that day she'd interviewed him was the best thing that ever happened to him. She helped him in more ways than he could ever live to thank her for. She gave him his heart, taught him to love, and taught him what it truly meant to be loved in returned. Without her, he might as well have been dead.

"Thanks mom, I'm going to go in to see her." Christian responded, giving her a quick hug and entered her room.

Evidence of old tears lingered on her cheeks as she slept. Christian sat in the chair next to her bedside, and started at the beautiful woman he was happy to call his wife. He prayed more than anything that she would wake up and not be upset with him, he couldn't bear the thought of losing her, especially after all she'd done for him and his family. Ana truly did love him, his only regret was that it took him this long to finally realize that.

"I'm so sorry, Ana." He cried lacing his fingers with hers. "I can't take back how I treated you, baby, but I want nothing more than to make this right. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me."

"I love you, Christian." She responded, sleepily as she slowly began to open her eyes again.

She couldn't recall going to sleep, the last thing she'd remember before this moment was crying into Christian's arms over the loss of their baby. It just wasn't fair.

She knew that this wasn't something they'd planned, She was still so young, and Christian wasn't ready to be a father in the slightest bit, but she came to love her little Blip, she loved the idea of being able to watch her child grow inside of her as the months progressed, to finally be able to hold him in her arms, and to raise the family she'd always wanted. Jack cut that short. And she hated him.

"Hey beautiful." Christian smiled, squeezing her hand as a way to give her some comfort.

"Hi." She mumbled back, struggling to sit up.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired, sad, and incredibly stupid."

"Baby, I don't want to overwhelm you, but I just have to say this before I chicken out. You know, I'm no good with my emotions, but I love you, I love you so God damn much. I'm sorry for the way I've treated you, you're my wife and I had no right. I'm sorry for going to see Elena, I'm so fucking sorry for all of this. I'm sorry. Please, forgive me." He cried, tears falling from his eyes as he begged for forgiveness from the only woman he would ever love.

"I was so hurt, Christian. That you went to her. It broke my heart. The way you thought I'd gotten pregnant on purpose, I didn't. I promise. I know that you love me, and I love you too. It hurts Christian, I know you didn't want our baby, but I was learning to love Blip and now he's gone and I …" She couldn't get the rest of the words out before she became to sob.

"I'm sorry. This is all my fault and I'm so sorry."

"Christian, I don't blame you for the loss of our child. I know you'd never intentionally want to hurt me, even if you had been afraid and angry, I'm not putting the blame of this on you, but I'm still upset that you went to see her. I don't know if I can get past that right now."

"I know, I don't expect you to. I screwed up, so badly. And I promise that I'll do whatever it takes to make it right, okay? What can I do?"

"Right now, you can just hold me. I just need my husband." Ana whispered

And that's what Christian did. He kicked off his jacket, shoes, and socks and got in bed with his wife, wrapping his arms around him. No matter what happened, he was going ot fight for her and prove to her that it would only ever be her that he wanted.


End file.
